Making my way to the Hudson’s Bay store holding my grandma’s hand tightly so as not to lose her, my eyes drifted to a beautiful sight, a 3-foot high Chrissy walking doll perched high on the top shelf standing tall as if waiting for the most excited little girl to claim her for Christmas. I had a pink glass piggy bank sitting on my white dresser back home, the small amount of coins not nearly enough to what would be needed for that beautiful Crissy doll.

That season on that day someone would have to pay the price of that coveted doll if I was to have it under the tree that Christmas so long ago.

In this life everything has a price, from needs to wants in the store to owning a house, vacations, cars and everything in between. Relationships carry a price tag too. The price of forgiveness, a price for betrayal, a price for raising a family,( sleepless nights, the teenage years) and everything in between.

In this world there is a price for peace and there is a price for war. Everywhere you turn there is a price to pay.

In all these things that have a price to pay none could come close to the ultimate price paid at the cross. We could not pay it… it was impossible. It was the highest price ever paid.

On those days when we think the price is too high… Finances, life, relationships, I think of the ultimate price paid….I can’t begin to imagine.

Because he paid such an enormous price we have the power to forgive and love and have the strength to pay the price in that we are able to put it where it belongs(his hands) despite the hurts of this life.

That day when I longed for someone to pay the price of that Chrissy walking doll, I could not imagine in my six-year-old mind that anything could have a greater price. I would owe my heart to the one who would.

But nothing could compare to the ultimate price paid. No price paid on Earth is bigger than the enormous price paid for us..

we are bought and paid for..♥️♥️

Making my way through the large vintage circus tent, eyes wide with childlike wonder along with my elementary classmates many years ago, we hesitated for a few minutes on our way to our seats to watch the circus juggler do his magic, keeping a number of pins constantly in motion seemingly effortlessly.

Never did all three pins hang simultaneously in the same air space. One was always up… one in the middle… and one lower than all the rest. The seemingly effortless art seemed to mesmerize us all in our young selves.

As the short act came to a close with all the pins landing firmly in the same spot in the juggler’s hands, my fascinated gathering of classmates including myself, applauded eagerly at the finale.

Reminds me of life.

It can be somewhat of a juggling act on some days or even seasons. A certain pin will be hanging at the top.. accomplishments, relationships, revelations about life, etc. Sometimes a certain pin will hang in the middle half way and it seems as if things are not going as planned with life. At the same time one pin will hang suspended in time with what seems like forever real low at the bottom. Be it failures in life, stuck in mind/ heart set, relationships, etc…

Never once are all the juggling pins hanging at the top, middle, or bottom… indication of ongoing seasons in life.

Some may hang suspended in the air a shorter time, some may be longer, but in the end… not on this planet… the Heavens will applaud when all the pins will land in the same spot. Then only then will all make sense and the act is done.

So while we are living in the land of this side of all the tomorrows of Eternity… celebrate the juggle… celebrate the pin that is hanging at the top with a great big smile…

see the one in the middle with an open heart and mind and wipe a tear if you must…

and sit back and embrace the one at the bottom with much Grace.. because that is the one that will need it the most till it makes its way up… and only your mindset can do that no matter where life will take you.

In the hands of the juggler… you… together with your God applaud every part of the act. Don’t just wait to applaud the finale. Much can be learned and enjoyed from the whole act beginning to end of the circus(life) juggler…

You can decide how you will see each pin in every season of life since your perception/mindset is all in your hands..

Be the best circus(life) juggler in your own life… And know the finale will gain the ultimate applause from your God..

as he welcomes you and says..

“well done” to you…at your finale in your own circus/ (life) juggle when all the pins wills align in one strong and steady hand…HIS.

Wrapping her perfect tiny little newborn body in the fourth pink baby blanket coming into our home over the years, I couldn’t help pressing her little oh so soft round cheeks against my own and kissed her ever so softly. She smelled so good as newborns do. She fit just perfectly in my arms just as the other three daughters had. Her eyes lay softly closed as she caught some much-needed sleep.

I loved my four girls from the moment I held them and nothing could change my mind about that. I couldn’t take my eyes off them, adoring every inch of their tiny beings wanting to feel them close to my heart bursting with love for them.

In the coming years, I went through the same emotions with my grandbabies, loving them from the first moment, hugging, kissing, adoring them for just being them. They could do absolutely nothing for me and yet I loved them just because they were part of me.

One of my favorite songs I have sung to my babies and grandbabies over the years was,

You are my sunshine my only sunshine…you’ll never know dear how much I love you…

I don’t know that they will ever know how much I love them. I can’t even begin to imagine what our God feels when he looks at his children. He loves us so much that he gave his life for us…

What love!

Once my daughters were born to me nobody could ever claim them as their own. They had my DNA… my daughter’s forever… no matter where life would take them, even to the ends of the earth. They were mine, just as no one can ever take us out of God’s hands..

no one.

We are born spiritually into his family. No matter if we go to the ends of the earth…

we…are…His.

We have His DNA forever.

He knows the numbers of hairs on my head… even I don’t know that about my children.

He watches over me constantly, awake or asleep… even I can’t be that to my children.

He sends His angels to guide, protect, encourage and strengthen us.

I can love my children and grandchildren in an earthly and limited way here short of surrounding them with prayers.

I can’t help but imagine him holding his children close… cheek to cheek… wrapped in his Everlasting arms not being able to take His eyes off of us and His heart singjng…

You are my sunshine my only sunshine… you’ll never know dear how much I love you…

We will never know this side of Heaven how much He loves us…

WE are His sunshine…♥️

Watching an episode of America’s Got Talent late one night, I watched as a young mother of two walked nervously on to the massive stage… so vulnerable, for the long row of seated judges waiting to say yes or no, worthy or not, with the huge crowd of people behind them.

The gaze of her beautiful big brown eyes framed with soft long full lashes seldom left the enormous stage down at her feet. Life had spoken to her heart mercilessly in many areas of her life as her story was told. Rejected by many as she tried proving her worth in the music industry to perhaps make a life for her young children, her body language spoke loud. She was broken from the inside out, yet… here she was… not completely broken in all her vulnerability.. again open to the very real chance of being rejected once again.

Her voice trembled slightly passing through her quivering lips. As her eyes still gazed intently at the dark stage floor, word by word, note-by-note, she let her heart and her spirit fly… feeling the soul behind the song.

The camera caught the judge’s faces periodically throughout the performance and as moments went by, the emotions on their faces were etched obviously as they sat… moved to the core of their souls.

The diamond that had been hidden beneath years of rejection dust started to shine brighter as the applause and the love from the crowd encouraged her to go on.

As her voice played delicately with the last notes, the crowd exploded with applause of complete love for her. The judges stood tall in ovation … applauding the experience they had just had from this “diamond” energy in front of them. The young woman shook and was shocked at all she received, this amazing energy of love as the applause shook the building… she had no idea… It was a new day.

Her life would never be the same.

Becoming who she was always meant to be… sharing the powerful gift she had always had and simply sharing the gift of her was what the world had been waiting and needing.

Her story reminded me of pieces of my own Journey, hiding the Diamond in me. Life, rejection, insecurities, lies, not even knowing there was a diamond. all covering the diamond in me that was always meant to shine and reflect who created it.

Walking through the Truth that set me on a path of freedom in my life journey, I took my continued gaze off of life’s stage and started looking up to see my God standing still and applauding and encouraging the me I needed to be along with the Saints in the heavenlies.

His applause of unconditional love accompanied with His Grace and Mercy for all that I needed in my life was the brush that started dusting off the diamond in me.

This young woman faced the beginning of a new day…

I faced the beginning of a new day…

Today… reach down and be the person who you were always created to be.

The world needs the one and only you today.

Let his applause of unconditional love Mercy and Grace be a new day…

and unearth the diamond in you💎♥️

Driving through the Canadian prairies on any given day one must only glance to the left or right to find century old homesteads of yesteryear. Some leaning heavily to one side, on the brink of collapse… some windows gone or broken, others once brightly painted…now barely recognizable from years of rain, wind, and sun and a life lived vigorously through the decades. Echoes of life lived once upon a time in days gone by, now but a very distant memory.

Photographers.. novice and professional, young and old, come from miles around and sometimes cross-country to photograph the stoic beautiful monuments of memories of the past as if to enshrine them as a testament… each telling a story of their own, giving power of sorts to the still photo… lest we forget.

I loved my grandma and Grandpa’s homestead. It was built many years before my time. Stepping into the small entrance, grandma’s homemade braided rug soft yet rugged under my feet,led the way. My eyes traveled to the opening to the large immaculately kept country kitchen. The house flowed well from one room to the next, all furnished and decorated in a way that helped me remember my grandma and grandpa in a fond loving way. They are good memories I cherish to this day. I love thinking back on those memories.

Thier homestead is long gone now as are they, yet I have wonderful fond memories in the present and will taken them into my future.

Yet in our lives we have leaning, crumbling buildings with broken windows and echoes of life lived, enshrined in the still snapshots of our minds, giving power of sorts to the still photos we have painted in our hearts.

Unlike the pictures these rugged beauties of the prairies century old buildings create…our pictures painted in our hearts of these still shot memories of the homesteads, empty buildings of our past… still inhabit more than just the crumbling leaning walls and faded paint and broken windows. Our hearts still tend to live in these homesteads of yesteryear, holding on to those snapshots long gone yet very much alive in our hearts and minds.

Shattered windows (dreams), leaning foundations (not knowing our true identity in Christ), faded paint (not giving a true picture of what was once the truth), faded memories of the echoes of times past…still holding on in the present.

Our hearts cannot truly appreciate the painting of our lives in the present If we hold onto the still snapshots of the old homesteads(heartaches, hurts) that belong in the past.

Leave them abandoned in all their beauty of life lived. Let the still snapshots of the past be only a reminder. Let it symbolize a thing of beauty…(beauty in all the healing) as the Prairie photographers portray them.

Then, and only then, can the homesteads (our healed hearts), of today, be the beautiful still snapshots we bring into our tomorrows… snapshots of the beauty of a life lived and healed by the only One who can..

a part of a beautiful snapshot of the present… and let it remind us…

from whence we came.

Twisting the cap open off the small but frequently used bottle, grandpa sparingly poured a small amount into his tall glass of hot water, a routine that had become a friend of sorts for his upset stomach at the end of a long hard day working on the farm. Many other times he had reached for the same small bottle, soothing many other aches and pains throughout the years… it had truly stood the test of time with such a name as Wonder Oil.

Grandma had turned to it many a time in the early years as the babies were wailing from tummy troubles and many other ailments in their growing up years. Bottle after bottle throughout the years had stood faithfully within reach just inside the country kitchen cabinet with the worn glass knobs showing signs of frequent use. It had been a healing balm of sorts for so many, young and old, soothing their bodies from the inside out.

As much as the Wonder Oil was a nearly too good to be true answer, and an answer of sorts it truly was and is…we have a healing balm that is available to all young and old that’s even better.

The Word talks about our God being a Balm of Gilead for all who need it. In Jeremiah ,God’s answer of healing for us is compared to the Balm of Gilead, a perfume originated from a plant in Arabia that gives healing properties such as reduced inflammation, eliminates pain, speeds healing, soothes the body and much more.

The Webster’s dictionary even says the plant BLEEDS the balm…how fitting…Our God bled for us so we may have pain eliminated, soothing of our hearts and minds, and eliminates that which should not be in us (inflammation) and ultimate healing.

Today.. the Balm of Gilead.. God’s healing mercy and Grace.. is available to all young and old.

Reach out and take it. Read the ingredients for yourself on the “bottle” (the Word) and find it to truly stand the test of time..

…and be even better than Wonder Oil♥️

Gingerly wrapping my fingers around the barbed cattle fence, I gently pressed my hand together hesitantly as I parted the two somewhat rusty wires making way for the rest of my young self to delicately climb through to the other side. I had followed my auntie into the field to enjoy watching her get the cows back to grandpa’s barn for supper time milking.

Now as the cows seemed larger than ever the closer they came, I decided my hasty exit to safety was through the nearest part of the fence. In my haste, my small hand landed squarely on one of the jagged barbed wires jetting in all directions. I winced in pain and quickly pulled back my hand, but not before a small trail of bright red blood dropped on the dirt by my summertime tanned bare feet.

Although I had promptly let go as the instant sharp pains had encouraged me to do, the effects of the barbs piercing my little hand lingered a long while after the drops of blood had started drying in the dirt in the mid summer time sun.

I had let go instantly as the sharp pains of the barbed wire shot through my little hand, yet in our experiences of of life we ignore the deep sharp pain and hold on to life’s painful “barbed” wire hoping we can change things by doing so. In the process we hold on to what seems like good pieces of our lives…relationships (that don’t work)… Our own wisdom… And some that dont…hurts…lies and so on.

We think by holding on we are in control, yet as we hold onto parts of our lives we don’t seem to notice there are parts on the wires of life…the wires intwined that carry barbs that poke out in every direction ready to hold us emotionally and spiritually captive as we continue to hold on despite the pain it continues to cause.

Unforgiveness is one of the biggest hurts on the barbed wire. We don’t seem to realize that holding onto unforgiveness is a journey of pain as we grab the barbs and hold tight despite the pain. The longer we continue to hold it the deeper the wound..the longer the pain.

That day many years ago in my childhood, I listened to my body and let go as soon as the pain began. I cannot say I have been so successful in life. Letting go of the “barbs” has still been a journey in different areas of my life and yet those that I have released have given me back my joy.

Letting go of the “barbs” (the pain) and giving the end result to our God will always leave our hands/ hearts trusting Him, and finding our way through a “barb” free area of the fence will leave us finding safety and healing in our hearts knowing the outcome is in His hands.

He already bore a barbed crown of thorns for exactly these reasons we would face in our lives. He took our pain so we wouldn’t have to hold onto the barbed wire any more.

Today let go of the “barbed” wires in your life and start your journey of healing your hand( heart)…find your freedom…find your joy…

…and go beyond the barbed wire fence.

Wiping my sweaty palms on my new acid wash 80’s jeans, I sat nervously in a cramped desk assigned to me in my high school gym, the cool damp air adding to my nerves.

My peers who had undoubtedly studied all year and late into the night before this day, surrounded me in their cramped wooden assigned desks. I had not studied… I had life to live… didn’t they..? Late nights out with my friends… socializing in class, feeding my overly extrovert being.. because really, would I ever need any of this in real life beyond these high school doors?

Reflecting back on those High School exam days now as an EA in the school, 35 years later, sitting on the other side of the desks of students watching a few slide sweaty palms along there non acid wash jeans… I can relate. Oh how I can relate. Yet sitting on the other side of that exam paper now gives me a whole different perspective.

Having a few years behind me since those High School exam days tends to do that…and a bit of life lived. I may not have taken a lot with me from those High School exam days but what I did learn didn’t come from an exam paper.

There would have been many things through the years in my life that I could not have studied for or prepared for.

Fellow peers being oh so unkind to those of us who wore lovingly sewn homemade clothes… that were extra large…

being the only one left standing regularly when being picked for the baseball team wanting to disappear into the dirt…

pre-cell / internet days when unkind notes passed from desk to desk accidentally landed in your lap with your name on it.. in bold letters…

young love that would look nothing like true love and the dance that accompanied that song…

and a year after high school being married and having a child.. still in my teens…long before internet info at my fingertips of “how to” and relying on generations of advice filtered through the joys and sorrows lived by the givers.

Then there was the loss of our baby… No textbook could prepare anyone for that.

All would feel like an exam I had not been prepared for and more than “sweaty palms” permeated those years.

My walk with my God took many different roads during those years… searching for answers I had not studied / prepared for… through the lush green forests… beside still waters… and into the open unending deserts at times.

I’ve come to understand there were many things in life I could not have studied or prepared for but I have come to a slow but steady understanding my best teacher and textbook is my God.

I didn’t always want to take his “courses” or study his “textbook” because surely I could just wing it and rely on my own wisdom.

Looking back now, I know I could have avoided way more than just “sweaty palms” if I had but trusted my heart to him more as my ultimate teacher… yet he was always the most patient and loving teacher…

Still is.

Still a journey but one that I see differently now…

from the other side of the desk.

When I get to where I’m going…

I will understand I was never meant to fill your bucket which had a hole in it..

When I get to where I’m going …

I will understand the anger you felt with me when I didn’t respond how you needed was not all my fault.

When I get to where I’m going…

I will know the blame put on me was not mine to carry and the longer I’ve been down the road to where I’m going I will know you really did love me… with all your heart… but didn’t know how to tell my heart.

When I get to where I’m going...

I will know you always felt empty and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t fill the empty.

When I get to where I’m going…

I will know I was never meant to be your saviour and will have pointed you to the only ONE who is.

When I get to where I’m going…

I will know you lived a very dark and hard life more often than not and I couldn’t make the dark go away no matter how many times I flipped the switch.

When I get to where I’m going…

I will know you needed to protect and preserve yourself more than you needed to protect and preserve me.. trying to tame the ravages of your mind.

When I get to where I’m going...

I will know it was never really about me.

When I get to where I’m going...

I will know the life you painted in your heart was so unattainable for me.

And when I’m getting to where I’m going…

I will forgive and have been forgiven..for it is not a dance for one.

When I get to where I’m going…

I will know you did not choose this life… for no one chooses this life…

When I get where I’m going…

our hearts will have no holes… because when we both ultimately get to where we are finally going…two little girls from different generations…hearts full of promise…

We will both know the same song… And know the same steps to the dance we were always meant to do.. down the streets so lined with gold…

When you get where you are going..

you will remember your favorite song:

“Farther Along we’ll know all about it… farther along we’ll understand why…”

and you will have your answers you have so long for…

and so will I…

When I get where I’m going…

Hurrying to my dad’s 1974 Ford pickup during my school lunch hour in my grade 12 year 35 years ago now, I jumped in and started it, heading out to the local burger joint to meet my regular group of friends.

I spotted a not-so-perfect note fluttering in the wind tucked tightly behind the windshield wipers. As I pulled into the local burger joint I could hardly wait to put my dad’s truck into park to read the mystery note even though I knew who wrote it. I jumped out and slipped the note quickly out from under the wiper. I opened it. It read:

Meet you at the restaurant..love me

Nothing earth shattering or fancy by any standards but to my heart it left a flutter because it came from the one I loved.. my future husband. 35 years of birthday, Mother’s Day, Christmas and anniversary cards later, my heart still flutters as I open the card/note in anticipation, eager to see the message inside. Now my husband has wonderful card picking skills, perfected over the years, knowing my heart and understanding my love language. Not having it be his makes it even more special.. a special kind of love.

My love of notes, cards and letters is very close to my heart as my four daughters also know so well, each card given by them with the intent of making me cry.. (doesn’t ever take much). I love their hearts as much as their love notes.

Yet the ultimate love notes of promises are written by my God from his “note”book to me, over 700 promises in his Word.

One that speaks overwhelmingly to my heart is found in Isaiah 54:10.

It goes like this:

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of Peace be removed says the Lord…”

The Lord of the universe tells us in no uncertain terms his love will not be shaken and peace with him will not be removed, his note/verse of love and promise compared with an incredible picture of the mountains shaking and falling ..while his love still remains.

Any heart would flutter at a promise like that.

Search his Word and find the ultimate love note/promise to your heart..

Make it personal..because it is..

The ultimate love note/promise…from HIS notebook♥️