When I Get Where I’m Going… ( A dance with mental illness…a healing journey)

When I get to where I’m going…

I will understand I was never meant to fill your bucket which had a hole in it..

When I get to where I’m going …

I will understand the anger you felt with me when I didn’t respond how you needed was not all my fault.

When I get to where I’m going…

I will know the blame put on me was not mine to carry and the longer I’ve been down the road to where I’m going I will know you really did love me… with all your heart… but didn’t know how to tell my heart.

When I get to where I’m going...

I will know you always felt empty and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t fill the empty.

When I get to where I’m going…

I will know I was never meant to be your saviour and will have pointed you to the only ONE who is.

When I get to where I’m going…

I will know you lived a very dark and hard life more often than not and I couldn’t make the dark go away no matter how many times I flipped the switch.

When I get to where I’m going…

I will know you needed to protect and preserve yourself more than you needed to protect and preserve me.. trying to tame the ravages of your mind.

When I get to where I’m going...

I will know it was never really about me.

When I get to where I’m going...

I will know the life you painted in your heart was so unattainable for me.

And when I’m getting to where I’m going…

I will forgive and have been forgiven..for it is not a dance for one.

When I get to where I’m going…

I will know you did not choose this life… for no one chooses this life…

When I get where I’m going…

our hearts will have no holes… because when we both ultimately get to where we are finally going…two little girls from different generations…hearts full of promise…

We will both know the same song… And know the same steps to the dance we were always meant to do.. down the streets so lined with gold…

When you get where you are going..

you will remember your favorite song:

“Farther Along we’ll know all about it… farther along we’ll understand why…”

and you will have your answers you have so long for…

and so will I…

When I get where I’m going…

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