The Whole Pie

Mmmm… Pie… who doesn’t like pie…? Blueberry pie with a generous dollop of ice cream and golden brown edges would be my favorite.

Depending on the day a “single” serving would be the whole pie if only in my mind.. settling for less would just be silly:)

Just the mention of pie brightens my day and brings me back to a picture God gave me about 10 years ago regarding the state of my heart in letting go of a situation so big in my life at the time.

Me and my husband were experiencing hard issues in our marriage at the time and lived apart for a while. I was on a search of where my heart and head were at and stumbled on an article about codependency.

Until that time in my life I had not realized what this codependency was or that I was even walking in it. But now seeing it in bold print on paper it hit me with a jolt. I was now on a mission to release myself of that title and everything that surrounded it in my life. My intentions were good and very sincere but years of walking in this were not to be changed in a day.

I was on a mission and as the time went by I was convinced I had all but released myself of this title. My heart was sincere and I know God saw that but as sincere as I may have been he wanted more for me in my healing Journey.

One night as I was curling up on the living room sofa sleep escaping my whole being for what seemed like too many nights already, I heard a quiet but clear voice in my heart saying:

“Arlene… you say you’ve let go of your husband and the process in all of that and you’ve walked this past while as if you have but I need you to take the next step and completely let go.”

I felt as if my heart split in two…

Completely let go??… NO!!

I felt I had already let go of so much already, how could God not see that? God kept pressing in and the next thing I heard made my heart cringe with fear and anxiety… and smile just a bit all at the same time.

The small but clear voice continued..

“Arlene, you can keep your “pinky in the pie” with anxiety, fear and control and touch one small piece… just a taste… But if you take your pinky off that small piece…I’ll give you the whole pie…your choice.”

He wanted me to REST in Him…let go.. sit in his presence… and let him heal me.

My face was on the couch in anguish as I tried convincing Him for a good part of that night that His (the God of the universe) idea was not my idea of a great idea…at all.

I felt like wrestling Jacob in the Bible. Wrestling with my heart and his request.

As the sun started peeking between the houses down our street early that morning, I knew my heart and my mind wanted the whole pie (a healed marriage) and so many more parts of my life, and saying yes was on my lips but it took a little longer to travel to my heart.

That night I embarked on a journey of letting go and what that would all mean, not just in my marriage but in every other area of my life, choosing to rest in Him.

Trusting in his ways became a definite desire but needing my pinky to rest on that small piece still burned in my heart from time to time losing sight of the whole wonderful delicious pie He was so willing to give me if I would only make a choice.

Fast forward to this time in my life over 10 years later, I’ve been on a journey that’s been nothing short of amazing.

My husband and I will be celebrating 33 years of marriage in just a few days and I dare say It’s the best time of our lives. A wonderful work in progress.

We have walked through many a storm along the way… my husband walking his road to healing and me walking mine… and us meeting in the middle.

God has done amazing things in both our hearts and the whole pie (as promised) has definitely been worth the removal of the”pinky”.

It tastes so incredibly good… better than any blueberry pie I’ve ever tasted.

God wants you to rest in Him completely… remove the pinky… let go… trust…

and taste the whole delicious pie♥️

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