Pouring over the journals and diaries of my beloved grandma’s at the kitchen table with my grandpa a few weeks after she had left this earth, many years ago…I felt she was right there with me in the moment.
Some entries were short, some were long, but non the less painted a picture of her life experiences…a life I had had the joy of being part of for 28 wonderful years. I felt as if my whole being could step inside those pages, even just for a moment.
From sad days to joyful days to what the weather was that day, the Russia years with family and the hardships surrounding those years, and then back to what was on the menu that day…perhaps her home baked buns…all seemed to leap off the page and into my longing heart hoping to feel a piece of her again.
Some were plain “scribblers” as they were called back then, and some were small neatly patterned diaries ( some of which I had been so excited to gift on her birthdays in my younger years) with little locks on them as if to portray a protectiveness of sorts of the “gold” written on the pages on the inside.
My Grandma was not a “writer” by definition, yet she painted many a picture in those journals with her words that seemed to come alive in my heart. So a writer she was…in my heart.
I believe her passion of putting thoughts to paper was passed down to me in this most simplistic way.
I started journaling as far back as my elementary years writing anything and everything that was important in my young life. My journaling grew in depth as I grew older…my joys, my sorrows, babies, adventures, relationships and much more.
In these journals I met with my God as I thought I knew Him…elequent and not so elequent at times. My entries were by no means always “on the bench” as I talked about in my blog introduction, but rather me “pacing the gravel road” as my Jesus sat on the bench listening patiently to me trying to convince Him my plans/ways for my life were in that moment…better than His.
As I look back on those entries, some long ago, some not so long, I didn’t realize the dance I was doing bargaining with my God. Yet I know now that He still smiled at my heart in all my self absorbed “life planning” because He loves me as far as the East is from the West…deeper than the deepest ocean…and higher than the highest mountains as He tells me in His journals to me (the Living Word)
Having a relationship with me has always been on His mind…the creator of the vast universe. How utterly overwhelming.
When I choose to sit “on the bench” with Him in the moment…He encouraged me to write on…to myself…to others…to Him.
….and I imagine Him pouring through my journals anticipating that relationship with me…
Just as I did with my grandma’s journals♥️♥️