My life seem to be ordered by the numbers and all that was written behind them…on the list.
Each item on my hastily handwritten list seemed to blur into each other as the day wore on. The numbers seemed to keep my mind in order if nothing else.
The charismatic check mark beside each completed task seemed satisfying for but a brief moment. Another swift check of my pen was needed to get the same high…rush. It was becoming an addiction of sorts.
1. Bread, eggs, milk,
2. pick up Christmas gift
3. oil change
4. vacuum, dust
5. turn on crock pot
6 . coffee date
7. Christmas program
8. wash floor
9. Bread, eggs, milk…
The list seemed to come full circle… never ending.
My eyes fell on number 9. My list had just begun as I saw all the numbered “to dos” below it. All were important to some degree. Yet as I checked off number 18 for that day… The satisfaction still wained.
In the writing of my book IN THE MOMENT, “to do” lists were absolutely necessary, no question as much in life is, yet I struggled with the satisfaction metre of it all.
As I sat in my favourite chair, virtual fireplace a glow, casting its light on my view of the recently decorated, YouTube directed Christmas tree, my heart started hearing of a new, different kind of list, not to substitute the everyday list of necessities but a list none the less to trump all lists.
Inviting my God on my “bench”… or comfy couch that day, to glean wisdom and perhaps revelations surrounding this idea… I began to make a list … A list of all lists.
My favourite pen formed the words:
It became number one on this new list. What was I thankful for today? My children, husband, health… a new day? The possibilities were really endless.
It took me aback for a few moments as a list grew quickly and almost effortless it seemed. Yet once started, my pen stopped short as I started writing;
“Thankful for opportunities to show Grace to those around me, the grace given to me from my God when faced with hurts and the ugliness of how this fallen world operates in our lives.”
I had never thought to be thankful for this before.
Opportunity…. hmm… perspective.
Not mine at this point, but that of my “visitor” on my bench as he enveloped my heart and my mind as the details of this list began to unfold.
I continued with a few more unlikely thankful opportunities. The list seemed to become alive as opposed to just ink on the page.
The next part of the list began with the words;
“Who am I?”
Daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend… the list seemed rather easy, but my visitor quietly reminded me;
“You are a daughter of the most high King… Blessed, righteous, incredibly loved….
and the list went on.
It was a much deeper answer to “Who am I?”
My heart welled up as I continued with the list of all lists, painting my day with the truth of who am I? It put my feet on solid ground with which to face my day.
Seemed to naturally come next.
I wasn’t quite sure as to the importance of this part of the list, but as I continued my time in my comfy chair with my visitor, it became clear it was to be a direction… a direction for each day… each moment that would present in my everyday life.
I wouldn’t be able to look back in time for this answer, because “now” didn’t allow for looking back.
“Now” was a hope. “Now” was what I had. “Now” would be a place where a decision was made for that moment… that day.
Change the things only I could change… me. And change my mind about what was, because it didn’t live in the now.
Give to God my anxieties, my questions. Look to Him for direction. Speak to my mountain and carry on, knowing He sees it all… knows it all… and would never leave me or forsake me, no matter what life was handing me.
I would only find these answers in Him and in all His letters to me; the Word.
My everyday “to-do” list would still have its place, but my day would never look the same again. Checking the items in this new list would give me lasting satisfaction, direction… peace.
All that could only be found in…
The ultimate list.